Avoidance is not a Viable Strategy
"Sometimes you just got to tell it like it is and let the chips fall where they may. Avoidance has no power to change things.” – Source Unknown
Contrary to generally-accepted folklore, an ostrich does not put its head in the sand to hide. The truth is an ostrich will stick its head in the sand to find sand or pebbles to aid in digestion or to take in water. When you stop and think about it, an animal that can easily weigh 400 lbs. would stand out even more with its posterior sticking up in the air. Metaphorically, when you think of burying your head in dirt or sand, you are shutting off all of your senses from the atmosphere, or the environment that surrounds you. Perhaps the image of someone covering their ears, closing their eyes and yelling “Nah, Nah, Nah…” is a more figurative way of describing a person who can’t handle what is confronting them.
Avoiding problems is a problem in itself. Problems tend to get bigger over time. While pseudo-problems will go away after a while, it is often difficult to tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. Here is a checklist to help you determine whether a particular predicament is going to be a matter that requires your attention – and the following almost always fall into this category:
- Family matters
- Work flare-ups
- Financial concerns
- Customer discontent
- Physical or emotional pain
Responsibility
“We have to do the best we can. This is our sacred human responsibility.” – Albert Einstein
Problems require your attention and a decision on your part. Your approval or rejection may be necessary to keep something moving. Often, a little effort such as providing a guiding hand or listening may be all that is required. Sometimes it is merely helpful to go into the fray (engaging). If you find yourself running away (withdrawing), someone or something may be chasing you and the pursuit can be relentless at times.
Often we don’t want to say no to someone because we ‘don’t want to hurt the other’s feelings.’ I have found this to be a bogus excuse. Mostly we don’t want to say no to another because we are uncomfortable about how we will be perceived or if we will be personally rejected. In those situations where we don’t say yeah or nay, we know from experience that people in our lives may resent us more because we are not being helpful by withholding information – we then become a hindrance or bottleneck to further progress. Most people don’t like to be left hanging awaiting someone else’s decision.
The Avoiding Type
“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” – Elbert Hubbard
Alfred Adler, regarded as one of the founders of the psychoanalytic movement, developed a scheme of personality types “…to illustrate patterns that could denote a characteristic governed under the overall style of life.” One of those styles was the “avoiding type” described as follows:
“The Avoiding types are those that hate being defeated. They may be successful, but have not taken any risks getting there. They are likely to have low social contact in fear of rejection or defeat in any way.” - Source: Wikipedia
Sometimes we find it hard to say we don’t know the answer. Not knowing is not the end of the world. In fact, it can be the start to new beginnings. My high school history teacher told us in our freshman year that the smartest person is not the one who knows everything. Rather, he said, the smartest person is the one who knows how to find the answer. To find we must seek – and we must want to do so. Or, we need to partner with others in our research.
Many of us believe falsely that we have to know everything, all the time. This is a fantasy – one that can be immobilizing. As more demands that require new information are placed upon us, we can become overwhelmed.
When we don’t know something or when we don’t know where to find it, we can ask for help. There is a certain element of vulnerability in admitting we don’t know something but it is more productive – infinitely so – to admit it than to operate under a facade of omniscience. I still believe that honesty always carries the day if for no other reason than honesty is level setting – it creates a base for reality. Pretense is distorted reality – one that causes us to act or speak from an ungrounded or false position.
Movement
More and more, I think life is about keeping things moving. We need our exercise to keep our bodies healthy. We need to think to keep our minds sharp. Personally I find it useful to run, spin, walk or swim when I have an unusual problem. It seems that I work out my emotional blocks (sometimes to the point where I have a mini-catharsis or cleansing of emotions) and I rev up my brain circuits in a way that helps me determine how I want to tackle challenges. The very nature of problem solving is similar – we work on issues, keeping them moving along until we get to resolution or conclusion.
Peace and Quiet
“Half of our mistakes in life arise from feeling when we ought to think and thinking when we ought to feel.” – John Churton Collins
We don’t need to strain ourselves emotionally, physically or mentally in every big problem situation. Sometimes, we simply need to relax and stop thinking in order to let our sub-conscious do its work. But the subconscious will get drowned out if we are in distress about making a decision or confronting an issue. Simple peace and quiet, with a little breathing, goes a long way in problem solving. For some people, in some situations, relaxation time is a few minutes of peace and solitude and for others it is a 2 week vacation. Since it is pretty hard for most of us to take a lot of 2 week vacations in a year, we would benefit most by 10 to 30 minutes of quiet time to let things settle down. Once the chatter in our heads subsides and we are clear, then we can plan and embark on an approach.
And, there is more, there always is.
Be genuine.
Copyright 2014 © John J. Trakselis, Chicago CEO Coaching
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