Leadership – Yes! Control – No!
(As I wrote in a recent blog, at its core, responsibility is about service to ourselves and others. It follows that if we want to lead others, first we must lead ourselves. Leading is also similar to trusting. Trusting others is possible when first we trust ourselves. This edition of From the Desktop of John Trakselis compares authentic leadership to control of others, and reminds us of our responsibilities as leaders.)
As a CEO, senior executive or business owner, we are leaders simply by the nature of our roles. When we are put in charge of something in or related to our business, we understand we are in a position to lead. But when it comes to life overall, we don’t always focus on the fact that we are in command of all aspects of our lives.
Self-Control, Action & Operating in the World
In fact, self-control – how we take charge of our lives – is an undeveloped gift we receive at birth. Most of us have an innate ability to cultivate this ability over time, while others have to be knocked on the head quite frequently before maximizing the possibilities. We all evolve and grow as we go, but some at a very different pace than what most may regard as the norm. Designated leaders don’t have the luxury of watching or waiting for self-control to happen – they have to make it happen.
As senior professionals and business owners, we are operants, people who produce things. First, we think and then we act. This mere fact implies that we lead. Most of us are self-starters. We get the idea and then we move. First, we move ourselves forward, and then we attempt to move others.
The funny thing about trying to move others is that they don’t necessarily go in the direction or at the pace we desire. This is because people do things for their own reasons, not ours. Simon Sinek wrote a good book about this subject, START WITH WHY: HOW GREAT LEADERS INSPIRE EVERYONE TO TAKE ACTION. In addition to this book, Simon Sinek is featured in a TED video on this subject:
In this video, Sinek says he made a discovery that changed his view of how the world works and – this is important – how he operates in it. He didn’t use the word, but it’s clear he views himself as an operant. We all operate in the world, therefore we are all operants.
Motivation vs. Inspiration & Self-Leadership in Action
There is something else in the title of Sinek’s book and the video worth noting. He did not say leaders motivate others. He used the word inspire. Why didn’t he say motivate? Well, I never asked him, but I suspect he understands implicitly the idea that motivation comes from within, and we use inspiration as a kind of energy to fuel our growth.
I think people motivate themselves because they want something. Leaders often hold the desired outcome in hand for their employees, vendors or other stakeholders (salary, investment potential, vacation time, title, responsibility and so on), but the end game may not be the only driving force in play. Leaders offer opportunities. The question is, Do those being led truly hear, feel, taste or smell the value of the opportunity (the five senses really makes it concrete)?
“Action expresses priorities” – Mahatma Gandhi
Now let’s go back to the quote at the top of the page. Specifically, Dee Hock says: “If you seek to lead, invest at least 50% of your time in leading yourself – your own purpose, ethics, principles, motivation and conduct.” He uses the word motivation but notice some of the other things that he mentions. Together, these provide a rationale or reasons to lead. Are you conscious of them? Do these form your intent or are you simply trying to manipulate yourself and others? Do you have good faith or are you entirely self-centered? Are you driven by a higher calling or are you just an opportunist?
Your purpose, ethics and principles define you and your reputation. They are manifested all the time by your actions. It is not what you say – it is what you say and do that’s important.
Mutuality & the Win-Win Relationship
We can only control ourselves, it’s true. So we need to beware of behaving in a controlling manner. Controlling behavior yields limited results. At most, people will do what we say as long as they believe there’s something in it for them. The question then becomes, Is the relationship founded on mutuality and trust? We can get emboldened when we think we control others. The “carrot and the stick” may seems like a powerful approach to us. But it simply is not sustainable.
It’s important to realize we can’t control others nor can we control many of the situations we encounter. Whether we need assistance to get something done or handle an unpleasant set of facts and circumstances, we may want to think about getting people on our side instead of trying to control every situation. We might expose our vulnerability instead of trying to use our authority. In the process, we can come across as real, genuine and authentic. Others may say, “Wow, he is dealing with his stuff just like I have to deal with my stuff.” Or, “I can trust this person because she gives me the straight scoop and is not hyping the situation or feeding me a line.” Demonstrating the “win-win,” as expressed in Stephen Covey’s 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE, is powerful.
I believe the best working style to establish is one that is collaborative, participative and part of a collegial environment where we work with people rather than force them to work for us. In this type of an environment we set up a synergistic relationship where 1+1 is definitely greater than 2. Everyone gets something out of the connection. Some of it can be expressed in dollars and cents, but often there are no incremental dollars just satisfaction, excitement, completion, appreciation and trust. There are not enough of these benefits being realized in relationships of any sort today.
Consider a Leadership Agenda
To the extent you are open and honest about what you want all the time as a leader, you become more of a known commodity. The opposite is to be unknown, unseen, unappreciated and sometimes feared. None of these attributes engenders mutuality like straightforward communication without any hidden agenda. As I write this, I am reminded of the suggestion from a presenter I invited to speak to my CEO groups. Balaji Krishnamurthy recommends every leader prepare and circulate a leadership agenda. This agenda will explain how you lead and is unique to you. It is a document that will help you hold yourself accountable and allow others to hold you accountable as well. It ends suspicion, points out what is important to you and helps others relate to you much better.
A Word about Reacting vs. Responding
“Power is real; Control is an illusion.” – John Trakselis
I would like to conclude this essay with a word about one other area that may not be thought of typically as being in control (in fact, it is the complete opposite of being in control). We all have emotional triggers, and we can react to others in knee-jerk, negative ways if our buttons get pushed. We may have a belief that something we heard or saw is totally bad and needs to be rubbed out as soon as possible. We will even find people who will totally agree with us, and they will support us in our over-the-top reactions. (By the way, I have witnessed this kind of upset behavior most often when political/government and religious issues arise.)
When you sense you are upset and you are not clear when or why this upset has occurred, I encourage you to slow down, calm down and give yourself some time to think clearly so that you can respond most effectively. When your thoughts are running wildly, your brain shuts down. You may be riding a beast that could cause damage to yourself or others. To reduce the potential for negative outcomes, ask yourself some questions and try to understand the thought patterns in play. The world will be a better place because you have taken care to be mindful of your desire to control. Then take the steps to reduce your reactivity, and engage with yourself and others in a more productive, thoughtful and responsive fashion.
And, there is more, there always is.
Be genuine.
Copyright 2013 © John J. Trakselis, Chicago CEO Coaching
Join the Discussion
What’s on your mind? What’s keeping you up at night? What are the thoughts from your desktop? If you have topics you’d like John to cover in this blog, please email john.trakselis@vistage.com or call (708)443-5518.