The Number One Thing we should all Strive to do
“Some people strengthen society just by being the kind of people they are.” – John Gardner
In the last month I have followed Vistage speaker Vince Langley’s suggestion to set aside ten minutes a day to do nothing but sit with my thoughts. Sure, I get plenty of ideas throughout the course of the day. Some are actionable and some are not, but I find more rewarding ideas when I simply let my thoughts flow.
This week I offer a topic inspired by my Saturday morning quiet time. The question is, what is the number one goal we should all strive for while we are on this planet? This is a question we have a responsibility to address especially since we have the ability to review history and learn from our mistakes. Also, when we know better, we do better, as Maya Angelou was famous for reminding us.
Candidates for the Number One Thing
If you think about it, you are working on one or more key objectives. For example, the following would be some very good choices for #1:
- Love unconditionally
- Be generous, principled, responsible or forgiving
- Live with integrity, intention or commitment
- Be all that you can be
- Treat others fairly
- Learn and grow
- Care for yourself and others
None of the above is mutually exclusive, even in those places where I use the word “or.” You can even take the above list, in whole or in part, and make it a code of conduct—plus add any other aspirations you deem appropriate. However, I have omitted what I think is the most important thing that we can do to have an impact across all society’s segments. That task as I see it is to “PROMOTE CONSCIOUS BEHAVIOR IN WORD AND DEED”.
“If your mind carries a heavy burden of past, you will experience more of the same. The past perpetuates itself through lack of presence. The quality of your consciousness at this moment is what shapes the future.” – Eckhart Tolle
Why Live Consciously?
It strikes me that most of the bizarre behavior we witness comes from a lack of consciousness. We are bombarded with examples of bad behavior every day when we watch the national news. Many of these events receive an inordinate amount of attention. When you objectively look at those widely reported events, “there is no there, there” (an expression used to refer to emptiness or a lack of quality content). I understand the expression "there is no there, there", was first brought to the public’s attention by Gertrude Stein and “is often used to describe a place that lacks culture, soul, life, identity.” (source: http://members.chello.nl/smetaal/usu1.htm)
The phrase might be used to describe the environment in which we live. It appears that many individuals value looking at shocking and horrific events, bad behavior among celebrities and outrageous statements from politicians. Given the media’s assault on our senses, we selectively tune out most of the rest of the world to the extent that our U.S. news crowds out everything else. Do we really think that the sun rises and sets only on our country? The ironic and sad part about these types of obsessions is that they play out as addictions and neuroses. These obsessions become part of our individual and collective identity and they eventually become what are considered to be normal. If you are a middle-aged person reading this essay you will say: “No way!” That may be true for you but what about the next generation? I think unhealthy behavior is becoming accepted and this is not good for anyone. For those who say they are not behaving badly, I encourage you to look at the next guy because his bad behavior will continue to escalate until it ends up in your backyard.
“Control of consciousness determines the quality of life.” – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
A given fact for all generations is this: we are all getting older but many are not growing up. Our expectations are not grounded in reality and this is reflected in society. In the words of Bill Plotkin in Nature and the Human Soul: Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World, We are the most ego-centric country on the planet. Needless to say he was not referring to the healthy functions of the ego but the self-absorbed aspects of our character. My overall conclusion as an observer and participant in this society is that we have too much unconscious behavior.
Why Advocate for More Conscious Behaviors?
“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” – Mahatma Gandhi
Many are leading but very few are leading well. We tolerate, ignore, run to our own superiority, and demonize and/or fantasize when we witness unconscious behavior. We emphasize and reward the wrong things. We get trapped in the notion that guiding the direction we and others take is now more compelling than ever before. When we see lack of awareness, obliviousness, ignorance, insensitivity, uninformed, and unwitting behavior, we tune out. Real leaders call it as they see it and help others to behave more responsibly. We tolerate bad behavior probably because we believe it is not our responsibility. We have all that we need so what more could we ask for?
The planet is getting smaller and we are falling over each other. We need role models, mentors, and thought leaders armed with good intentions and deficient in superior attitudes. We have four generations in the workplace and we can learn a lot from each other. The older generation is capable of passing down the wisdom of their years and the younger generation would find it worthwhile to seek that input. At the same time, members of the older generation will find it beneficial to learn from their younger counterparts. All generations have something to offer and the process of growth and learning should be shared. The younger generation can do what they want. I suggest this: look first, and then leap. Older generation--there isn’t a single thing that we did in our lives that we couldn't have done better. Also, if we don't reflect on our decisions or our actions, we are living under a rock and ignoring the lessons from our experience. Yes, times have changed but as one individual told me: people don't. Younger generation: if you are not in a formal leadership position now you soon will be given that Millenials will be making up 50% of the work force in 2020.
“He that knows only his own generation remains always a child.” – Cicero
Call to Action
Encourage adults in your sphere of influence to act like adults. Play is wonderful in life and work but when it is combined with excessive alcohol consumption or drugs it loses its nourishing aspects. Direct people who are quite vociferous and certain about their opinions to make sure they are informed and not speaking from their personal bias. Hold a vision for a person that is bigger than their behavior and their sometimes crazy ideas.
Let kids be kids. Substitute your lectures with caring advice and speak from your experience. No one likes to be lectured to. Be firm but listen and show compassion because you were once young yourself. Act like an adult with kids. You are not their peer.
When you have knee-jerk reactions to what people say take a good look inside to find your true essence instead of responding to triggers and living your reactivity. Look at your hot buttons and turn them into warm and caring responses seeking truth and community. Take your tribe to a higher level by encouraging better ways of thinking and being. Be inclusive so as to have more influence in the world. Realize you don’t have all the answers.
“To know what is right and not to do it is the worst cowardice.” – Confucius
Rather than trying to look good, spend more time doing the right thing.
And, there is more, there always is.
Be genuine.
Copyright 2014 © John J. Trakselis, Chicago CEO Coaching
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What’s on your mind? What’s keeping you up at night? What are the thoughts from your desktop? If you have topics you’d like John to cover in this blog, please email john.trakselis@vistage.com or call (708)443-5518.