Who do You Trust? The Power of Peer Groups
Before late-night TV pioneer Johnny Carson was put in charge of the Tonight Show, he was the host of a program called, ‘Who do You Trust?’ One website describes the show this way: “Married pairs of contestants were asked to answer questions. The husband would decide on whether he or she would answer.” Good luck using that format today.
But the question remains. Who do you trust? Stephen M.R.Covey, in his very masterful book, THE SPEED OF TRUST: THE ONE THING THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING, says basically that we look for 2 things in whether or not to trust someone. The first is character and the second is competence. A simple example would be that you would not trust your dentist to do heart surgery. He may have character in bunches but as for working on your heart – not so much.
I know from first-hand experience leading groups of CEOs that peer-to-peer connections add significant value both for the individual participants and the collective. It is my job as the group leader, with the assistance of the participants, to create an atmosphere of trust and safety. We establish a charter for the group that sets forth purpose, rules of conduct and other guidelines. We list our values and we hold fast to our agreements in words and actions.
My single-sentence byword for explaining the characteristics of a good peer group to a potential member goes something like this: ”It is a place where you get the clear, unadulterated, unvarnished truth from highly competent peers who don’t have a hidden agenda or vested interest other than holding you as a valued member of the group.” I have never witnessed a violation of that description in the years I have been coaching and facilitating peer groups.
Many people feel uncomfortable joining groups, especially when they don’t know the participants. Some say this is due to fear of the unknown. The counter to that point: How can you fear the unknown when you don’t know what it is? A clever retort but probably not helpful.
I believe that people are wary of groups because they are concerned a bad experience in the past will repeat itself in the present. They may have had some less-than-satisfying, even horrific, experiences in a group. So whether it is a belief all groups are like those of the past, or predicting the outcomes of a new group in the future, some individuals are not inclined to get into the game and join an assembly of peers.
A likely prospect for a peer group is someone who has dissatisfaction with the status quo and is willing to hear from others. His or her discontent may or may not be well founded. In the group setting, peers assist participants in validating perceived concerns or introducing more realistic thinking. Another benefit? Sometimes we create our own problems, and no one points this out unless we are receptive to help. We need to have access and be open to receive input from peers who have journeyed as we have, and are willing to share their stories with us. As Mr. Zuckerberg points out in the quote that opens this blog entry, there is nothing better than a recommendation from a trusted friend. Peer groups can become sources of friendship when trust is pervasive.
I know most people appreciate the genuineness and authenticity inherent in trusting relationships. CEOs and other executives have a good nose for pretense. They can vet and size up others quickly. They also know it is virtually impossible for their employees or consultants to be trusted friends. These stakeholders have interests that make it very hard for them to be neutral or to see the full picture. Trusted peers, on the other hand, offer vision and perspective, as well as a neutral, third-party point of view.
I have also found that CEOs and senior executives don’t care about how much their peers know until they know how much they care. Someone who cares about you will get to know you. They will try to walk in your shoes for a little bit. They can empathize with you and appreciate where you are coming from. Eventually, and equally important, they will tell you their truth because they will want to give you their best. They know you are the decision-maker but they understand from personal experience that input from trusted peers is invaluable. Also, the benefits of feedback from multiple sources have a way of multiplying, and this is good news for the group – individually and as a whole.
I also know from the executives in my practice that getting stuck in thinking through issues and challenges is common. When they encounter a barrier, a block, an obstacle or a limiting belief, their energy gets stagnant or blocked and creative flow is inhibited. They don’t have a clear vision for how to get past the impasse, and this keeps them from moving forward. In high-functioning groups, participants who have encountered similar impediments will share their experience generously and gladly. Frequently the words and thoughts they bring forward have a huge impact in getting a peer moving again.
The wonderful thing about a good peer group is that it is based on a shared commitment to mutuality. Members want to hear from each participant because they want to learn from them and also help them. Conversely, groups structured by roles within a hierarchy, rather than an open peer-to-peer forum, tend to play a game of pecking order. The members of this type of group are looking around to see what the big dog is doing and playing up to him or her is common. It’s also often the case that participants in this type of group spend more time trying to look good (persona) and not nearly enough being real and productive in ways that have meaning both for themselves and others.
“Trust is knowing that when a team member does push you, they're doing it because they care about the team” – Patrick Lencioni
Productive groups always have members who are working on something. They create energy that fuels everyone to operate and excel at a higher level of achievement and satisfaction. They get work done faster because they are more confident in their decisions. This confidence comes from the trust they have in each other, and the knowledge that they are receiving well-tested advice from experienced executives who understand them, their problems and their opportunities. Members in an effective group are experiencing Covey’s SPEED OF TRUST.
One of the most powerful drivers of group effectiveness is the diversity of the contributors – gender, ethnicity, executive skills, work experience and many other attributes related to background. With diversity, a group benefits from many divergent views which serve to round out or expand the thought processes of each individual and the group as a whole. Participants uncover new angles and approaches they likely could never have happened upon were it not for joining and being open to the contributions and offerings of the group. When I think of diversity of viewpoints I think about the legend of the Six Blind Men which is illustrated here.
As indicated on the YouTube web page: “The story of the 'Six Blind Men and the Elephant' is a popular folk lore of India. It tells us how people in general have a completely different point of view of any situation.” Yes, “different point of view” is the key phrase. It is this divergence in viewpoints that you want in members of a peer group. Furthermore you want the benefit of their hindsight—their experience in dealing with facts and circumstances similar to yours. Finally, the frosting on the cake is their foresight in helping you plan for contingencies and in taking full advantage of an opportunity. Good peer group members expand your vision and make it realistic.
In summary, take a look at the advisors in your sphere. Are they experienced in your business activities? Do they understand your business? More importantly, do they really get to know you and the reasons you think and act the way you do? Are they of good character, giving you their best possible advice? Are they independent or do they tell you what they want you to hear? If you are not satisfied with the answers to these questions, a peer group may be right for you.
And, there is more, there always is.
Be genuine.
Copyright 2013 © John J. Trakselis, Chicago CEO Coaching
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