The Value of Operating Agreements

"Your life works to the degree you keep your agreements." – Werner Erhard

I have been bumping into the topic of operating agreements a lot lately. This tells me the timing is right for a discussion on this concept. The interesting part about operating agreements is their multifaceted and multidimensional nature. Let’s explore their value and how we can use them to serve us.

Your Personal Operating Agreement

Most of us believe an operating agreement is reserved for our club memberships or professional group affiliations. However, as I have heard over the years: Charity begins at home, and so do operating agreements. Before we cover the elements of your personal operating agreement, let me provide some important background.

Mission statements are one form of an operating agreement. Likewise, vision statements and declarations of purpose can also be regarded as operating agreements. Let’s call them The Big Three and for purposes of this short tome, we will not worry about how we define each of them. But typically they contain a code of conduct, direction or destination. Embedded in a code of conduct is a specification of what you will do. Sometimes the focus is on what you won’t do, but as we know negative declarations are less powerful than positive. A few examples:

  • I tell my truth
  • I take responsibility for whatever comes my way
  • I am a caring individual (I care for myself and others)

(Note: I resisted the temptation to use the future tense in favor of the present.)

Embedded in a code of conduct is a statement of principle that describes how you operate in the world. Your declarative statement reflects your belief system and your values (which are developed over the course of your lifetime). Are you getting the impression that there is a lot going on here when you develop your code of conduct or Big Three? The point is that it is difficult to determine where one component starts and stops and another begins.

When it comes to the elements that guide and drive our actions, everything is intertwined. A code of conduct implies a conscious approach to the world, especially if you hold it up to the light and examine it periodically. The code also enables you to examine your behavior and look for that “hidden agenda” or “Faustian Bargain” that subverts your engagement with yourself and the world. Specifically, it is where our operating agreement is hidden and bleeds out where the real life challenge begins.

The central question here is do you want others to determine how you engage with the world or do you want to write your script and live it with intention? I encourage everyone I work with to do the right thing and so I ask them: What is the right thing in the circumstances? There may be no clear answer in the moment but given time, information and the awareness of the experience of others, a sense of the right thing begins to emerge. When enough right things emerge into our life we see a pattern that can be described and put into words, both written and oral. Those words, when assembled into a code of conduct and/or your “Big Three” become your operating agreement with yourself. It is that agreement that you take into every discussion about operating agreements in the groups you join or are considering.

“Agreements are always the product of time and place.” – Larry Craig
Operating Agreements with Family and Friends

We probably don’t think about the fact that we work from an operating agreement when interacting with family and friends but we do. The real question is what is that particular operating agreement? I think most of the codes of conduct in these 2 environments are highlighted by a bunch of unwritten rules, many of which are based on interactions that didn’t work in the past or that created certain beliefs and rules about how to behave in these settings. The rules set the stage for the formation of habits and these became unconscious behaviors.

Things really get interesting when one person in the group challenges the established pattern of behavior, usually from a reactive, “I don’t like this, that or the other,” or they start lobbing rocks into the center of the room. While that behavior offers some limited benefits and can open the door to more positive discussions, there needs to be a follow-up plan of action to get what you want out of both groups.

The courses of action always available to you include: “build the group” or “leave the group” or “ignore the group and find a sympathetic ear.” I favor the “build the group” approach because you have a lot of shared experience with family and friends. In these environments you have an interesting opportunity to be fully functional in a group that can more readily love and care for you in ways that casual business and social acquaintances would be hard pressed to create.

Your foundation for creating a loving and caring environment is your personal operating agreement – whether it is in the form of your “Big Three” or code of conduct, or whatever you are willing to put on the table that describes your engagement with the world. Healthy family and friend groups will value you as a person and will support you by telling their truth about how you manifest yourself in the world. In effect, if you initiate action in the group, you set the tone and the agenda and you are a leader. In this situation, you can create the rules of engagement for the group (AKA operating agreement) so that people can join at a higher level and live more meaningful lives with fuller group participation and support.

“Our differences are policies; our agreements, principles.” – William McKinley
Operating Agreements with Everyone Else

There are countless groups that we belong to—at the office, at the health club, at church or synagogue, and in our cities and neighborhoods. Generally these groups are organized in a more formal way. Once again, there are many unwritten rules and practices which collectively make up the group’s operating agreement. I still think it is important for you to appropriately declare your personal operating agreement to the extent that others know your mindset and intentions. This is not about standing on the corner and handing out copies of your constitution. Rather, opportunities for revelation will occur from time to time and it will be appropriate to trust others with information that is normally withheld from the general public. Taking the initiative starts you on the road to finding individuals who support your endeavors and look out for you. Finally, the one thing to know is the specifics of how you will operate within the group given the formal and informal structure you encounter.

In those rare circumstances where you are asked to participate in developing the group’s operating agreement, it is even more important for you to put your terms on the table. This means you should be prepared to state what the group can expect from you as a member. Groups, especially business organizations, generally have purpose, vision, mission or values documents floating around or posted on a wall/website. However, what’s most important is where the rubber meets the road (i.e., where reality exists). It is specific behavior, sometimes referred to as culture of the group, where the real action lies. The essential question is: Can you align your personal operating agreement with each of the more formal groups to which you belong to or can you influence them to more closely fit your code of conduct over time?

One Final Thought about You

My final thought takes its inspiration from "The Paradoxical Commandments".

Use this wisdom as your impetus to generate your operating system, and apply it in an effort to become your best self. We need more people headed in that direction.

“You only exist because of the agreements you made with yourself and with the other humans around you.” – José Luis Ruiz

And, there is more, there always is.

Be genuine.

Copyright 2014 © John J. Trakselis, Chicago CEO Coaching

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