CCEOC Blog

What do you want?

"The worst thing one can do is not to try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something could have materialized – never knowing” – Jim Rohn

What

What is it that you want? Here are a few things that I hear from time to time:

The list of possibilities is endless but it has to be your list, not mine, and not that of your boss, friends, significant other, or your kids, parents, grandparents or others. If you can’t take responsibility for developing your list, how are you going to have what you want? What do you intend for your life?

“If you aren't yet at the point of clarity, then make that your first goal. It's a big waste of time to go through life being unclear about what you want. Most people wallow way too long in the state of 'I don't know what to do.' They wait for some external force to provide them with clarity, never realizing that clarity is self-created. The universe is waiting on you, not the other way around, and it's going to keep waiting until you finally make up your mind. Waiting for clarity is like being a sculptor staring at a piece of marble, waiting for the statue within to cast off the unneeded pieces. Do not wait for clarity to spontaneously materialize – grab a chisel and get busy! ” – Steve Pavlina

Why

Now here is an interesting question – why do you want it? Is there something bigger in your life you are ignoring or avoiding by putting a want on your list to take its place? Are you tying your sense of worth to a “what” that may miss the mark? Over the years I have found that wanting a material possession is often a substitute for something else we are lacking but are unwilling to admit. Maybe we don’t even see how we are substituting a possession for a legitimate desire in our life. That is why it is good to look at your underlying motivation by asking yourself why you want it. Answering the “why” question engages our emotions and gives a sense of purpose to our “what.” Remember this: Your “why” is your passion for what you want.

"Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions – Why am I doing it, what the results might be and will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead.” – Chanakya

Another question that you should ask yourself: Are you grounded in reality or are you simply experiencing magical thinking? It’s OK to dream and use your imagination to think of possibilities, but ignoring reality will set you up for disappointment and will discourage you from wanting in the future. One suggestion for getting your want is to be both clear as to what you want and the reasons why you want it. As you talk or write about the want, it has a way of settling into your consciousness such that you can actually see it being realized, and you also envision the benefits of the real “why” showering down on you.

How

“A man who wants to do something will find a way. A man who doesn't will find an excuse.” – Stephen Dolley Jr.

How do you get what you want? If you are serious about your want, then make it a goal. When identified as a goal then the want is something you intend to achieve. It is a lot more efficient and effective to achieve a goal with a plan in hand. In the case of wants, a plan has a series of steps, some sequential, some concurrent, that you intend to perform to get you to what you want. Putting together your plan requires you to think through what you have to do, but also calls out those obstacles that you may encounter along the way. Reality sets in if you can envision a plan to achieve what you want. When you can recognize a clear path to obtaining what you want, you become empowered, and making it happen is within your grasp. You can see your dream become a reality, but there is one more question to address…

When

“A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.” – Harvey MacKay.

In addition to being clear on what you want and why you want it, it is important to have some sense of when you can reasonably fulfill your want. Your timetable has to coincide with reality. If it is too compressed, wishful thinking is present. If it looks like it will take too long to satisfy your want, then it is probably necessary to scale back your goal because you may be too intimidated or overwhelmed to go after it. Getting a handle on timing also enables you to envision your want being fulfilled in the future. Projecting when your want will be fulfilled also engages your emotions positively and gives you that extra “oomph” to get it done. If you have a solid answer for your “when,” then your want looks like it may come your way, i.e., you view it as achievable. Finally, on this point, if you have ever worked for a demanding person who wanted you to get something done, chances are the first question they asked you after giving you an assignment was: “When will you get this done or when can I expect this will be done?” This is one of the benefits of working for a results-oriented person. Certainly, you can be that person with respect to your own wants.

Attitude

Many years ago I worked for Leonard Lavin, Founder and Chairman (retired) of Alberto Culver Corporation. His pet phrase was: “Winners make it happen.” He even authored a book with that same title. The neat thing about making a want happen is that you are the beneficiary of achieving your goal. You are the winner on two counts: accomplishing something and achieving a want. Are you prepared to win? Only you can answer that question, but remember this:

“If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.” – Ecclesiastes 11:4

And, there is more, there always is.

Be genuine.

Copyright 2014 © John J. Trakselis, Chicago CEO Coaching

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