How to be (More) Relevant
– John F. Kennedy
Our words and actions affect others, but not always in a constructive manner. This blog entry addresses the critical connection between building relationships and optimizing outcomes. By becoming more relevant, we can influence more favorable results.
I looked up the definition of relevant in my dictionary, and found the following:
Rel•e•vant
- bearing upon or relating to the matter in hand, to the point; pertinent; applicable; as, the testimony is relevant to the case; the argument is relevant to the question: opposed to irrelevant.
- Synonyms—important, pertinent, applicable.
WEBSTER’S NEW TWENTIETH CENTURY DICTIONARY UNABRIDGED – SECOND EDITION
I am checking definitions with more frequency these days so that I can better wrap my mind around problems, and find clues to solving them. So as it pertains to being relevant, I can say with absolute certainty that it does not include dwelling on the unimportant, being impertinent and proffering solutions that are inapplicable. In order to be relevant, one must first step back and rethink how to get things done.
Pause to Consider
Looking at an issue from a “how to” perspective is probably one of the most creative ways to accomplish something. It’s similar to posing questions related to an action item. By pausing first (instead of rushing to resolution) and thinking through various scenarios, as well as any issues in play, the field of possibility broadens and clarity comes.
As we contemplate the benefits of becoming more relevant, I would encourage you to ask yourself questions like the following:
- What am I trying to accomplish?
- What does a win-win solution look like and how do I renew my approach to achieve it?
- Who am I trying to influence?
- How can I be more effective?
- What do I need to know to be successful (i.e.,What information do I require, and how do I get it?)
- What has worked in the past and is it still relevant today?
- What has become superfluous?
- How do I add value?
By no means is this an exhaustive list of questions, but my radar goes up when I hear people say: “I wouldn’t have done anything differently.” I often hear this statement after one has succeeded in achieving something. At this time, there tends to be a high level of confidence in the path the individual followed. But what more may have ensued? Were there other options to consider as well? The fact is that many times we cannot change an outcome, but we can change how we attempted to add value and be relevant. How much more successful can we be in our business endeavors if we keep the notion of being relevant top of mind?
Seek to Understand
As I write this piece, I am reminded of one of Stephen Covey’s concepts: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. In the same way my questions above can help drive win-win results, there are other approaches that can lead us to be more relevant, thus more successful. Covey got it right when he gave us his principles for interpersonal relationships. Many times we are too quick to offer solutions to problems we don’t understand, and we often present these to people with whom we have not yet established a relationship. We cannot put ourselves in a position of peddling products and services (hereinafter referred to as solutions) without proving ourselves as credible problem solvers.
First, we have to understand the problems, and then we can suggest ideas. We have to dig deep to uncover the real issues. But sometimes there are roadblocks. We play old tapes that tell us we don’t know how to address issues. Or something another person says or does trigger a sales response on our part. In a word, we tend to be reactive, not proactive (which by the way is another Covey principle).
Relax! I am not pointing the finger at anyone. Rather, I am suggesting that all of us need to stop and think before making recommendations and make sure we have established a relationship of trust. We (and our proposals) become relevant through relationship building not through selling. This requires gathering the facts, pondering the dilemma the other party faces and engaging in a constructive dialogue to jointly address the issue at hand.
Listen and Collaborate
In other words, we need to listen first, ask pertinent questions, connect the dots and then explore ideas in a collaborative, participative process. It is not about offering a solution too early that cuts off the discovery process. To the contrary, the discovery process drives the conversation, and the conversation drives the relationship. It is not a monologue or a one-person performance onstage on our part. It is connection with another in a collegial environment where both sides trust one another.
Projecting hubris (arrogance) is a relationship killer on many fronts. First, I think arrogance separates us from the truth – our self-assuredness can limit us from gathering all the facts. Pride won’t allow us to unearth all the relevant data because our identity (our ego) seems to demand that we are the all-knowing, wise sages on the mountaintop. We can develop a distorted sense of reality when we are “me” driven. This may seem a bit of an extreme description, but it is one to be mindful of as we seek to bond and connect with others.
A better approach is to replace hubris with humility, and start out with the assumption that our encounters with others have as their primary objective the development of relationships. Once a relationship is established we can create credibility as a problem solver and be in a position to influence the decision-making process. As credible problem solvers, we can then offer suggestions knowing full well the strengths and weaknesses of our ideas, but always with the objective of adding value in mind.
Apply Discipline
Implied in my comments is the fact that true relevance requires discipline. Discipline in this case means that we have developed a process to engage in conversations with others for the express purpose of honestly evaluating the other’s situation and the likelihood of arriving at a solution that can be developed jointly. In some situations we may not make that sale or come up with a solution that adds value – beyond the value of the relationship, and this can turn into opportunity later because a core of trust is in place.
Being relevant requires that we approach each situation with a positive intent to be of assistance by listening, clarifying, pondering and then communicating (a two-way process). We can be positive when we possess a true capability to assist (acquired with time and effort, and proven in the marketplace of ideas). With that capability in our back pocket, or purse, we can work on establishing the relationship, and then demonstrate relevance as problem solvers.
So before going into that next meeting, stop and remind yourself of how you can be more relevant, and revisit the questions at the top of this essay. Do this occasionally as you go forward as well – don’t let it slip your mind. Remind yourself to be more relevant, and reap the benefits.
And, there is more, there always is.
Be genuine.
Copyright 2014 © John J. Trakselis, Chicago CEO Coaching
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